The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place… George Bernard Shaw

I must admit, as I write these words, I feel a little hypocritical… I must confess that I’m not the world’s greatest communicator. But I am working hard on becoming the best communicator I can be.

Why?  Because I know that skilful communicators can work miracles in their business and personal lives.

Effective Communication is a critical component of mastering success. By mastering the art of communication we will increase every level of performance in our life.

We should take every opportunity to practice communication skills so, when the opportunity arises, we will have the knowledge, the clarity and the emotional intelligence to positively effect those we come into contact with.

Good communication begins with preparation. We can’t speak about what we don’t know, relate to something we don’t or have never had, nor can we give what we don’t have.

To this end we should consistently and deliberately draw the valuable lessons learned from our life experiences so we can share them with others at appropriate times.

Our preparation should include four main elements; interest, fascination, sensitivity and the knowledge.

Be interested in everything around us… people, places and what Douglas Adams, author of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, once referred to as Life, the Universe and Everything. Be curious about everything. Ask questions and record the knowledge we gain so we can recall it when we need to. Remember, people don’t really care how much we know until they know how much we care!

Become fascinated by and in others. Bring back our inner childhood curiosity… remember when we used to ask all those annoying questions and our parents would end up saying…. “Because it just is, that’s all!”.  Jim Rohn says, “substitute frustration for fascination”… so next time we become frustrated with someone or something try switching from frustration to fascination.

Become sensitive to the other person’s point of view. Put ourselves in their shoes. Feel what they feel, think what they think.  Why might they be upset? What would cause them to react that way? Become sympathetic and empathetic to their situation. It won’t be easy BUT by simply making the effort it will build bridges and open the other person to better communicate.

And finally, collect knowledge… use a journal or day book. I seem to use two or three journals every year…  it’s amazing what we sometimes find when we re-read them. Create a bank of useful knowledge that will help us develop stories and relate to people at the right time.

Keep it simple, don’t complicate unnecessarily

Our success as a business owner depends on how well we communicate and we must master the fundamentals of communication in all aspects of our lives.

  1. With the words we use, we have the power to lift people up to do great things or hurt them deeply and limit their potential. How many times have we heard a parent telling a child they are ‘stupid’? How long would it take before that child begins to believe he IS in fact stupid?
  2. Planning what we want to say to someone before we say it can make our words incredibly effective. We must know what we want to say, when we’re going to say it and how we will say it.
  3. We must be sure to match our deeds with our words. As people in authority, we’re under constant scrutiny, and if we say one thing then do another, this undermines any respect we gain through our words.
  4. We must work on how we speak and write. We don’t need to become a world class speaker or author… I’m a firm believer in James Daniels’ statement, write as you speak… and be our authentic selves. But we must learn to improve the tools we use to influence others.
  5. We must become effective listeners. Whether it’s our children, spouse, friends or customers, listening helps us to become better commnunicators.
  6. We must show we care. Talk with people not to Share our words and ideas and let others share theirs with us. Show interest in their needs and desires so we can better help them.
  7. We have to get clear and as concise as possible. I have a tendency to complicate things when it’s completely unnecessary. My accountant, Clare, has an uncanny knack of being able to take my 30 minute explanation of what I need, and say it back to me in 3 clear sentences!
  8. Be sure to confirm understanding on both sides. I often share an exercise with my staff. I draw the number 6 on a sheet of paper and place it in the centre of the table… to demonstrate we’re both looking at the same thing, but I see a 6 and they see a 9. It helps us make sure we BOTH leave the conversation with the same understanding.
  9. Create our own language. When we create our own words, phrases and acronyms that mean something unique to us, not only does this help us ensure common understanding, it also helps to create a ‘tribal’ connection that builds a community.
  10. And repeat… They may well have heard our message but rarely will others ‘understand’ it first time… to become effective we must be prepared to communicate our message many times to ensure it’s internalised by others.

Here are a few tips I’ve picked up from my mentors over the years;

  • When you meet with people, brief them on the topic before the meeting and the outcomes you hope for… aim to reach a solution without needing further meetings
  • Be on time and end the meeting on time – this shows that you value other people’s time as much as you value your own
  • Arrange an appropriate setting for the meeting… a coffee shop may be suitable in some circumstances but something more formal may be more appropriate in others
  • If it’s a group meeting, appoint someone to take notes
  • Listen carefully and speak clearly
  • Sum up at the end and clarify what you think you have heard and what you attempted to say… ensure you both agree
  • Follow up by email with confirmation of your summing up… thank the other people for their time
  • Avoid digression if it doesn’t add value to the subject
  • If you’re meeting via phone, schedule a time and treat it as a meeting using the above rules where appropriate
  • Remember KISS (keep it simple stupid) don’t complicate unnecessarily
  • How you say things is just as important as what you say… use inflection in your voice and don’t be afraid to show However, don’t GET emotional… leave them at the door!
  • Make best use of body language, use your hands but don’t be too demonstrative
  • Look people in the eye… this speaks volumes… and engenders trust
  • Don’t cross your arms… you’re closing yourself off from the other people and is sure to create a wedge between you

This all sounds like a complicated set of rules in themselves and contradictory to the advise to keep things simple… but, with practice, applying the above advice can make the difference between success and failure in the communication process.

Start today and use every interaction you have with people over the next 30 days as an opportunity to stretch your communication muscles, then let us know how you get on.