For those of you that recall, back in April I wrote about the role reminiscing plays in our lives and why we have a fondness for looking back instead of looking forwards. However, one of the main points highlighted was that it’s sometimes brought about by fear, and although reminiscing is harmless in small doses, too much of it can be detrimental and result in stagnation. This month I’ll be discussing fear and how our natural aversion to it causes us to fear the future and thus negatively impact upon our lives and chances of achieving our full potential.

What is fear and why are we so averse to it?

What do you think of when you think of fear?

The very mention of the word fear can cause us to think of phobias or embarrassing events we’d like forgotten. It’s the emotion that can cause palpitations and send shivers of panic down our spine.

Defined as, ‘an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm’, fear breeds negativity and causes us to retreat into a defensive manner and therefore, for the majority of the population, adopt a ‘worst case scenario’ mind set.

Of course, fear does have its positives. Without this survival mechanism we would potentially be in great danger and may not have survived the threats of being attacked by a mammal that our ancestors faced many centuries ago. It’s also fear that stimulates the appropriate behaviour and action in a given event and allows us to make appropriate decisions. For example, I know, even at the age of 30, if I get ‘the glare’ from my Mother, the most appropriate path of action to take, is to ‘zip it’. I jest, but you get the point. It’s fear that assists us in making what we perceive to be the correct decisions in any given circumstance.

However, that being said, there are times when fear can be unhelpful. In the 21st century the threat of being attacked by a mammal is far less great than it was in the past. Today’s fear tends to take the form of an anticipatory fear of the unknown. There is of course still the threat of physical harm to us. But we tend to fear the threat of damage to our ego and psyche/ self-perception rather than any physical pain. Today’s fear is arguably far worse as it’s less tangible and perhaps harder to identify. The majority of the fear we face today is internal and exists solely in our mind.

I guess the question to ask is, ‘does it really exist at all?

False, Evidence, Appearing, Real

Fear can be distorted by our own perceptions and experiences (subjective/individual), or by our cultural upbringing and to a wider extent by society as a whole (perceived objectivism). In short, we can fear an event either due to personal experience or even if we have not experienced it ourselves e.g. conditioning.

There are times when what we perceive as a threat is nothing more than our mind playing tricks on us. Fear takes on many levels, from the fear of a scary film to asking out someone on a date, to applying for a new job. But these are generally only a matter of mindset and our perception of the outcome. Very rarely does the emotion and fear experienced match the potential risk or perceived threat to us.

Our views of fear can cause us to fear failure, have a weariness and potential embarrassment towards success, and what others will think; or concerns of humiliation and loss if things go wrong. Perhaps worst of all, fear of the unknown can lead to uncertainty and self-doubt. We have a habit of thinking worst case scenario and it’s this thinking that can be a hindrance to our growth and development.

Rather than focus on what we wish to attain, put a plan in place and follow through with it, we have a habit of sitting and festering, thinking worst case scenario and don’t try at all. Perhaps the worst thing about this mindset is that our anticipatory fear of the potential outcome stimulates and engages the nervous system so that we feel the same sensations as if it were actually happening, even though there is a distinct possibility that it won’t. And if it happens to occur, we have effectively lived the same negative moment twice when we didn’t have to. Generally, this mindset leads us to avoid trying something that has the potential to damage our ego in order to remain in the safety of our comfort zone. However, the irony of this attempted search for security is it leaves us feeling frustrated and disappointed at our perceived, self-inflicted lack of ability to achieve more. Ultimately this leads to increased doubt and anxiety resulting in stagnation and further worry, rather than proactivity planning ahead in order to be the best ‘you’ that you can be.

Although our anticipation and fear of an upcoming event can appear very real, often the likelihood is that it’s nothing more than ‘worst case scenario’ thinking taking over our thought process and is simply an illusion created by our over active imagination. It’s essential that we identify this and take the time to regain control over our mind and our overzealous imagination, and identify when our emotions are hindering rather than helping our thinking.

So, the basis of fear would appear to be caused by the unknown and a perceived absence of information or clarity of understanding that is required for obtaining certainty – something the majority of human’s desire. This lack of certainty, although for some exhilarating and exciting, can lead others to panic and anxiety. In short, we become unsure of ourselves because we are unsure and uncertain of the upcoming event.

Switching Your Mindset – Stop Thinking Worst Case Scenario!

As creatures of habit, the majority of humans like to know what is going to happen next and therefore we try to avoid situations of uncertainty or unpredictability. A prime example being that of change. Many become resistant or even hostile when threatened with something new and unfamiliar. Succumbing to this negative fear stifles our growth and can lead to stagnation e.g. not attempting something new for fear of looking foolish or failing. These road blocks can hamper the achievement of our full potential. Although the fear experienced feels very real, such as something going wrong, if we remove the emotional reaction from the equation the chances of the perceived negative event occurring are usually slim. Very rarely do we enter a situation on a daily basis that is life or death. Provided we have assessed the situation correctly with rational thinking and planned accordingly, it’s likely that we’ll find the only thing stopping us from at least attempting it, is a fear of the worst case scenario occurring and damage to our ego. If we are able to do this, we’ll see that though our ego may take a knock, the overall outcome of potentially learning a new skill or gaining a valuable experience & taking an opportunity, could far outweigh any negative possibilities. Yet it’s common for us to let these emotions and feelings of fear overwhelm us and dictate our lives. It’s vital that we take stock and assess the situation logically, with the big picture goal in mind. Will this event help you move closer to your ultimate goal? Will this brief experience of discomfort result in greater gains overall? Use logic and don’t let fear overwhelm you or cloud your judgement.

How many times have you not done this because of a fear or worry of what others might think?

What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

Life led by fear is passive, reactive and results in us feeling out of control and ultimately frustrated and annoyed with ourselves for not attempting to push ourselves out of our comfort zone in order to achieve more. Remember, everyone had to start somewhere. The greatest athletes, entrepreneurs, scientists, writers and actors did not get to where they are today by remaining within their comfort zone. They grew, and expanded their skillset one step at a time. By breaking through their fear barrier they were able to achieve their full potential.

Plato’s Analogy of the Cave is a great example of how fear can hinder growth and I’d recommend giving it a read if you haven’t already done so or aren’t aware of its message. It’s rather profound. Rather than seeing things as they really are, we experience events subjectively and at times this experience is clouded by societal or cultural influences that don’t paint an accurate picture. As alluded to in Plato’s analogy, our understanding and emotions are impacted through our social conditioning and the environment and people we surround ourselves with, and it’s often because of these societal beliefs that we place limits on ourselves.

Of course, fear has its role and is an essential make up of our DNA. But, it’s important that we distinguish between the times when fear is saving us and when it’s hindering us.

Fear Distorting Reality

It’s important to remember that our fear can be illogical. Fear is merely the poor management of our mental faculties. It’s letting our emotions get the better of us, resulting in a distorted picture of reality based upon our own subjective perception of events. At its worst, fear can distort our reality, take control and cripple us into indecisiveness and inaction. Instead of acknowledging it and then preparing for the upcoming event, we sit and fester in a state of panic, worrying about an event that may or may not even occur.

Perception is reality. We believe what we want to believe. Yet, it may be necessary to take a step back and analyse the situation to find out what could go right instead of focusing on what could go wrong. It’s essential to have an abundance mindset and approach to life.

The Power of Controlling Your Emotions

A life of empowerment is a life of controlling our emotions. It’s being proactive rather than reactive and identifying the impact our emotions are having on how we perceive situations and circumstances, and vice-versa. Often what’s impressed upon our sub-conscious mind will be expressed in our actions, and the emotions we experience and display.

How much has been achieved and how many things come from change? Remember, what was once the unknown is now the familiar.

You are in Control

You have a choice over how you feel. It may not seem like it, but as humans we are able to control our emotions. As the old saying goes, ‘life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.” Emotional Intelligence and controlling our emotions is where the power of success lays.

The mind and emotions are powerful tools. If used correctly, they can assist us in achieving fulfilment. However, if mishandled or not fully understood, they can be the very things that hold us back. Don’t deny fear. Unfortunately, it’ll never truly go away as it’s a vital part of our scientific make up which serves an important role! Therefore, be aware of it, acknowledge and respect it, then employ logic and reason and assess whether it’s truly valid or not given your current situation. Ultimately, remember not to be ruled by it.

In closing, it’s important to remember that it’s rarely the situation that scares or depresses us. Perhaps the thought of being on stage speaking to 5,000 people petrifies you. But, if I were to tell you that your speech would be warmly received with rapturous applause and an evening of congratulatory drinks and pats on the back, with kind words awaiting you afterwards, would you shy away from the opportunity?

Would you be scared of it and would your mind automatically think, ‘worst case scenario’? It’s the lack of understanding and awareness, the fear of the unknown that generates the majority of our fears, and it’s being unable to understand and control this that holds us back.

As Joseph Campbell stated, “How many times has fear caused you to back away from what you really want?” Maybe it’s time to start approaching situations with a ‘what can go right’ mind set, rather than a negative, ’what could go wrong’ outlook.

So, the next time fear grips you, and hijacks your emotions, take a moment to stop and ask yourself what, “what you would do if you knew you couldn’t fail?”

Remember, “Control your thoughts and you can control your emotions. Control your emotions and you can control your life.”